Snotty Slug Tracks

I was wallowing in my congestion induced pity and feeling incredibly tired when I looked down at my sleeve and noticed a little slug trail of snot courtesy of my almost one-year-old boy. (We think it may be allergies to the animals in the house cuz his nose is always running but otherwise he's the happiest little boy). I had to smile as I heard him laughing with his daddy in the other room. I've been so incredibly blessed in the baby department. My little man has grown at mutant speed; he eats like crazy and has an amazing amount of energy (today he walked EVERYWHERE). And when he's not walking and babbling and getting into everything he's loving on his mama (or daddy or grandma or grandpa) and giving hugs and kisses. My favorite time of the day is when he's settling down for the night and reading a book. He turns the pages and his little eyes follow the words left and right. I've never felt so much love and joy as I do when I look at him. He's absolutely perfect. He'll sit for twenty minutes and just play with his toys and talk to himself and read his books, then he'll get up and look for mommy or grandma and play a rousing game of "gonna get you" wherein he then fills the house with little sqeals of delight.

I think I've finally found my calling. There are so many things I want to do in my life but being a mother is definately at the top of my list. Its been such a life changing event and everyday is a new adventure-sometimes a frustrating one but worth it most of the time. I recommend motherhood to anyone whos ever looked at a baby and thought "maybe". It's hard, it's scary, it's tough, it's exhausting, it's fun, it's stressful, it's joyful, it's silly, it's amazing, it's life-altering but it's all worth it!!!!

A trip to the duck pond

The weather has been beautiful this past week (yesterday and today regardless). It's that spring teaser we get in California before a month of rain. Sean had a day off so we took a little family walk to the duck pond. I just have to say I love my boys.

Welcome to Mommydom

Is it just me or do most moms feel like they're just winging it?

I really do think things through but in recent weeks I've felt more overwhelmed than usual. I guess it mostly has to do with Bannock's new-found mobility (he's crawling everywhere and starting to walk) and he has an endless supply of energy. Before I became a mommy I had all these ideas about making sure I had quality time to teach and play and read but now I feel at a loss to try and fit everything in. I know most kids need structure and consistency, which I do my very best to provide...breakfast by nine, bottle, nap, walk/play, lunch, play, read, nap, play, dinner, bath/read, bedtime. That's my whole day. And throughout the whole thing I'm feeling flustered and tense. It's like my brain turned into a clock the moment I gave birth and now my mind is constantly ticking, the only thoughts are "when did he last eat?" "when did he last get a diaper change?" "how long was his nap?"

I remember magazine's and websites telling me "You're the only one who know's best for your children so when all else fails go with your gut." I think thats only partly true just because I feel thats all I have left to "go with". But can that really be right for every kid? I mean there are some moms out there who could really learn a lesson or two in child rearing. I'm not perfect. I'm not the greatest. But I can't help but feel like that statement is made just to appease so as not to offend. No one likes to be told that they're wrong. And yes we all know what's best for our babies because what's best is what we want, and what we think society needs. Yet I still can't agree that all mom's should "go with their instincts" on everything, because not everyone is right and not every woman can give a child what they actually need. I guess it's a lost cause to argue both sides. What I'm really trying to say is that as a mother I give all the love and discipline that I see fit and just hope that by "winging it" I'll get something right.... eventually.